Defaeco Urbs
by Danirey
Summary: A to-the-side story of Cas's past...i just thought that we never really hear anything from the things that he did before Dean became his charge so... review? :


Although I have never told anybody any of the stories that I have experienced with humans in my long life as a warrior of the lord, I can only say that I feel it to be for good reason. If humans knew how horrible angels can be, surely their idea of religion would disintegrate completely with doubt and disgust. Alas, I am not asking you to sympathize, just to try to understand that we were only allowed to follow orders, and not question where the orders came from, for question is sign of no faith. And having no faith is good if not the best reason for murder among angels...This is the story that has haunted me the most...it is the story of the first time that I ever witnesses hove in humans.

I, as well as about ten other angels, was stationed to look over the town of Herculaneum, a small but fairly fast-paced city in Rome. We were asked to confirm whether the town deserved salvation from the Lord, under our eyes. If we saw the humans living there to be righteous and worthy, then the city would be spared.

I saw a woman with bright red hair, her golden eyes shining against her pale skin and the brightest smile I have ever seen in a human. She was beautiful, and she was in love. Her lover was a young man with thick black hair and crisp blue eyes. And the way they looked at each other...I became completely mesmerized with their relationship and every day I waiter eager to see how devote they were to each other. I also noticed that they would always meet in secret. The woman was married to a man she did not love. I saw her husband beating her sometimes at night when she failed to fetch him enough water from the well or when her cooking was not to his liking. I had to struggle to control myself from relieving her of that burden she called a husband. But her lover, he was as kind to her as he could possibly be. He saw her as his queen, and no man can see a woman with a higher respect than that. I knew the other angels did not approve of her love for the young man; they thought it sinful that she was being unfaithful. I saw one of their meetings about a month after we were stationed, unaware that it would be their last. I watched from the shadows, invisible to their eyes, as they sat atop a hill under the stars and told each other how much they loved each other; the man told her how one day he was going to run away with her, away from her troubles and live with her in a house built out of the forests in the middle of a meadow. He told her how he would fetch water from the river early in the morning and he would cook for her as she still slept, so that when she woke up she did not have to meet with the chilliness of the morning. he told her that he loved her more than anything in the world. She wept. I felt something strange inside my chest as I saw them embracing each other. I did not know what it was then but I realize now that it was jealousy. I envied them for having that amount of happiness, and yet I could not be gladder for them. I thought that the pureness of their love could make the angels opt to save the town; after all, my Father could not possibly want to destroy such a beautiful thing.

That same night as I sought revelation along with the other angels, I realized, to my horror, that they had decided to destroy the town. They found it full of impurities. I tried to look for an explanation from my superiors, but they had their minds dead set on it: the town of Herculaneum was to be purified along with all its inhabitants.

Making myself visible to the human eye, I sought out the tow lovers minutes before the 'purification' was to commence. I told them there was no time and that I had to carry them out of the town instantly. They seemed to believe me by the urgency of my voice and I completely convinced them to trust me when I unfurled my wings from my vessel's body. They seemed to be in awe and I felt a warm sensation fill through me as I realized they thought me beautiful, when it was they who were perfect in my eyes. I carried them in my arms and flew them together to the outskirts of the town; I told them that they had to run, that they had to hide if they wanted to keep their love alive. I could see the terror in the woman's golden eyes, and yet she had the courage to lean in towards me and kiss me on the cheek. She whispered to me that their love will always remain living, no matter if they died or not. I looked at her and vanished.

As I returned to the town I realized that I had been out too long. The town had gone up in flames and I could hear the agonizing shrieks of innocents all over the town. all those children I had seen play in the streets. All those mothers I had seen cooking and caring for their families so lovingly. All those men who worked their hardest to make sure that their loved ones had all that they needed. Everything was dying. Gone. The other angels questioned me on the whereabouts of the young couple. I tried to swallow the fear I felt at the bottom of my stomach. I looked at them in the eye and told them that I would say nothing. About five of them seized me from behind and began tearing at my wings, making me scream in agony. That is how angels are punished physically, you see, for the wings are the most vulnerable part of us. I struggled so hard to break free, but they were so many of them...I begged for them to stop but they simply kept on tearing at my wings, as my superior, Zachariah, stood in front of me. His eyes smiled. I was made to kneel in front of Zachariah, by this time my wings were hardly recognizable as such. I hung my head low in shame and pain until I heard the screams of familiar voices. My heart sped with fear as I realized that they had found the young lovers. They were being brought in front of me, already bleeding and bruised from the struggle in bringing them back to the cursed town. My eyes widened as I looked at them, then at the other angels. I pleaded to them to please stop this, that God did not want this from them. I asked them to punish me, but to leave the humans alone. They kept their emotionless expression as they seized the woman and threw her to the ground in front of me.

I cried for the first time that night. The woman screamed as they beat her restlessly. Somehow I couldn't look away. I felt hot tears stream down my face and I felt confused and scared and horrified and...alone. I heard the voice of the young man as faintly as if it were miles away. I looked at his face and saw the tears in his eyes falling down in streams down his face. I saw the desperation and the anger. He screamed at me to please help her. To punish him instead. To kill him but to leave her alone...I couldn't do a thing to save them...The man was killed after we witnessed his love drown in her own blood.

As the screams from the town ablaze continued, my superior Zachariah stood in front of me. I could feel his gaze on me just as I felt the heat from the burning town on my skin, but I dared not look up, afraid that they hadn't run out of punishments for me. I felt him shift and call me by my name. I did not look up. I felt his hot touch on my chin, so sickeningly soft, as he raised my head to look at him. I felt new tears spring up and I made no attempt to hide my pain. With the emptiest voice attempting to imitate sympathy I heard him ask me: 'Have you learned your lesson, brother?'

I only nodded, looking down at the ground in shame. I had learned my lesson. Angels were not meant to witness or experience love...we only had orders...and faith...nothing more.


End file.
